CSI: Miami - 1.2

Unlike the show, when it came to DVD extras no one was trying.

Two episodes have commentaries and both are bland to the point of emptiness, as if the contributors suffer from a motivation defect, although it is a point in favour when the writer of Dipso Day admits it's a bit stereotypical that the Internal Affairs guy should be a jerk, "although they usually are." Also, do we care that "David Caruso really likes to use his firearms," or that, "It's very difficult to do movie blood"?

John Haynes introduces himself at the start of the mini-featurette, Production Of Handling Evidence, as a retired detective and the technical advisor. One thing's for certain, he's not a load of laughs. In fact, if he entered a Fancy Dress competition as Mr Boring, he'd walk away with the top prize.

He tells us - straight up, no kidding - that the science on the show is based on real science and then explains the workings of a few things. Remember to bring a pot of strong coffee and eyelid fasteners.

The wonderful Khandi Alexander invites everyone into her Autopsy Theatre and goes all flirty, making jokes - the same joke, actually - about "I hope I don't see you in here," meaning on the slab. She doesn't have the technical knowledge to make her tour an essential addition to your Diary of Dos, despite invaluable trivia, such as "dead" actors' nipples go hard because the autopsy table is so cold.

Emily Proctor's Gun Lab Tour is far worse, because she has nothing to say and no time to say it. Like Khandi, she's on a charm offensive.

Do yourself a favour, don't go here.