American Soldiers: A Day In Iraq

Looking at the title, I thought I would be watching a documentary, detailing the day-to-day troubles American soldiers have to face.

I was wrong. As soon as the menu flickered onto the screen, I realised that this was no serious, low budget, earnest doc, but a low budget, earnest straight-to-DVD action epic. It is also the crappiest thing this reviewer has seen in quite some time.

Trust me. I watch a lot of crap.

I think I have reached the end of my quest for the Holy Grail of Crap. This is the kind of crap that is just crap - and not so crap, it's good. American Soldiers is flat out, no-holds-barred crap, a film which is naive on so many levels, not only politically, but also in the way in which it tries to engage the audience and tries to fool them into thinking it can disguise a downtown neighbourhood in California as a busy street in Basra - even though there are not enough people to make it look busy and too many palm trees to make it look like anywhere else but a downtown neighbourhood in California.

We are given a less than authentic portrait of men under stress. These dudes are quite a jolly bunch, and their uniforms are so clean and neatly pressed! Not a speck of dust or dirt can be seen. Their mothers would be proud. I know I am.

Wait a second, I am not! I hate these characters, the way they act like an out of control football team - American football, that is - and the way they shout stuff like, "BOO! YAH!", and tell an Iraqi policeman who saves their lives: "You are a radical dude!"

Bill And Ted Go To Basra would have been a much better film, but maybe not as funny as this one.

Of course, some Iraqis are not radical dudes. There are a bunch of them who want to kill American soldiers and even their fellow countrymen, maybe because they are jealous of their radical dude status, which makes them feel awesome. These dudes - I mean, the hostile dudes - are always spoiling stuff when they turn up in their trucks, which all look the same, shooting and setting off car bombs, while wearing headscarves, which all look the same. Hmmmmm.... it's as if there was not enough of a budget to waste on something like a convincing wardrobe. Or maybe it is because it is the same bunch of actors just swapping clothes every time they are called on set to do their thing.

What did surprise me was the director, Sidney J. Furie. He has made dreck like Iron Eagle and Superman IV, but look closer and you'll see that he has also directed stuff of quality like the original Lonesome Dove and The Ipcress File. Not only that, but he brought Sir Cliff to the silver screen in The Young Ones.

Swings and roundabouts eh?