Battle In Heaven

What the hell is the point in this film?

The only reason I can manage to explain its existence is that pretentious Philistines, who masquerade as cultured, love going to see obscure meaningless crap like this because it makes them feel intelligent.

Marcos (a man-beast with one facial expression) works for a general of some kind (don't ask me!) and is involved in the kidnapping and death of a baby (I think). I'm not too sure, since the pomposity of this dreck doesn't feel the need to explain anything to us in any small, sense-making way. He works as a driver for the general's hot(-ish) daughter and takes her back and forth from the whorehouse.

His wife (who is probably the most hideous creature God ever allowed on this earth) sells clocks and cakes in a tunnel. About 10 minutes is spent on a single shot of them just standing there doing nothing. Why? Don't look at me.

The photography is so close to the characters and so unbelievably static that you never know what is going on around them and the film looks like a series of still photographs with ambient sounds playing over them. And cover your ears during the gas station sequence. Some awful classical music blares out at a criminal volume. And for no reason, too. Much like everything else in the film.

There are a few highly explicit sex scenes, but don't get too excited. One of them features Marcos' wife and if it doesn't make you want to run and jump off a cliff, then it will surely blind you. I wish to erase it from my memory with a mind rubber. The other features the General's daughter. And why she would ever shag a sadsack like Marcos is beyond me. A well-toned body she may have, but Marcos' nakedness will gross you out.

The explicit nature of the sex scenes is all this film has going for it. It's like the director put them in there to get people talking and impress a bunch of wannabe film intellectuals.

Don't get me started on the ending, either. After what seems like an eternity of nothing, this nonsense finally reaches a laughably stupid climax that features a blindfolded and handcuffed Marcos crawling through the city. The handcuffs come and go. I think it's an editing mistake, or just further proof that the movie makes no sense. I was so glad when this was finally over.

And there's never a bucket of shit handy when you want one, is there?