Halloween: Resurrection

Even though most of them are rubbish, the Halloween movies always seem so full of potential when the lights go down and the film fades in to that ominous and slicker-than-crude-oil theme tune. Sadly though, they never attempt anything other than stabbings.

John Carpenter's original low-budget horror flick, about a babysitter stalked by the boogey man, was a big hit that brought him much acclaim. A sequel was inevitable. Carpenter even worked on it. But after that, he bowed out and his producer Moustapha Akkad took over. He's not a filmmaker, he's a businessman. And for 24 years, he has served us the same sandwich, over and over.

Rick Rosenthal, who directed Halloween II, is back behind the camera. One would assume that his familiarity with the franchise is a good thing. Too bad he's obsessed with cheesy lighting, obnoxiously loud sound effects and confusing editing.

This film was supposed to be released in the autumn of 2001, but apparently there were major differences of opinion when the director of H20, Steve Miner, started fiddling with the finished print. The original title, Halloween: The Homecoming, was dropped because Dimension Films wanted a title that made it clear that Michael Myers was still alive. So they nicked half the title off an Alien movie and stuck it on.

There is only one way to tell a story of teenagers being murdered by a psycho in a William Shatner mask/hockey mask/pillow case. And you've seen it a zillion times. The only miniscule difference this one offers is that the whole thing in broadcast on the Internet, which provides room for some gimmicky, if annoying, set pieces and a few clever tricks. But don't expect jaw-dropping twists, or intensity.

An ambitious reality show producer (Busta Rhymes) sets up the Myers house with booby-traps and red herrings to juice his sleepover internet show. A handful of teens, with stereotypical personalities, fall for it and deliver the goods. Until Mikey comes back, that is.

What's that you say? Surely, Mikey can't be alive after Jamie Lee lopped his head off in H20? Well, the movie says that Michael stuck his mask onto someone else before being chucked into the back of the corpse-mobile. Umm...so where's the actual "resurrection"?

What follows is a shlocky assortment of teenage slayings - Freddy, Mikey and Jason must surely have laid waste to most of teen America by now - and massacres. What motivates Mikey? Never revealed, man.

Carpenter used this to good effect first time round. Parts 4, 5 and 6 - they dropped the roman numerals after III - added truckloads of story to the Michael Myers myth, which, although nothing but hokum, was at least interesting.

H20 completely disregarded those movies and went back to killing for no reason. And now once again, it's just pointless bloodshed. Mikey isn't scary. Jason would flatten him in a second. You know that he's always going to get up after being hung, shot, stabbed, poisoned, fired out of a cannon or run over with a steam roller. There is zero suspense.

Watching a rubber dog shit machine make rubber dog shit is not interesting. And watching a killing machine kill got boring well over a decade ago. It's time to try something new.

Halloween: Resurrection tries a little harder, perhaps. And for this reason, it's one of the better sequels. But it's still a big jive turkey in need of a valuable lesson.

Horror films should offend and disgust, not regurgitate the failures of previous sequels.