It's A Boy Girl Thing

Body swapping has become as popular in Hollywood as body piercing. Usually, this is accomplished with the help of an ancient spell, or, in this case, a spooky old carving in the museum.

There is always potential in becoming someone else, or you at a different age, or your mother/daughter. You might even become a dog, or a fly. The permutations are endless, but the jokes are rare, surprisingly.

Nell (Samaire Armstrong) is a teensomething high achiever, who has just been accepted for an interview at Yale, much to her snobby mother’s delight. Woody (Kevin Zegers) is a football jock, with his brain in his boxers and a cheerleader girlfriend (Brooke D’Orsay), whose sole ambition is to be Queen of the Prom.

Nell eats healthy foods and wears pastel colours and is always neat and tidy. Woody wolfs down his mom’s fry-ups for breakfast and wears ripped jeans and has a serial shagmeister (Mpho Koaho) as his best buddy. After they swap bodies, Woody has to get used to breasts and Nell “that thing.” These gags run into the long grass because, after the initial shock of putting on a bra, or waking every morning with an erection, what else is there?

Due to their predicament, they become friends and help each other, which is like helping themselves, because there is much at stake. Woody has to teach Nell (in his body) to play football in time for the crucial match against their arch rivals and Woody (in Nell’s body) has to go to Yale for the all-important interview and not mess up.

The stage is set for much hilarity, but the script by Geoff (Kinky Boots) Deane is so predictable and uninspired, the chances of a high school Freaky Friday is completely missed. Also, the performances don’t match up. Armstrong is a dead ringer for Posh, but when she becomes Woody, her idea of macho cool is bad table manners, legs wide apart and low level gymnastics. Zegers’s impersonation of Nell is more camp than curious, as if he hasn’t studied the difference between the way girls behave with each other and the way gay guys exaggerate feminine characteristics.

The finale at The Homecoming Dance (prom night) is like Squirmsville Central Casting’s office party. Everything you know will happen does, which leaves nothing to the imagination. Next time, Sir Elton should swap bodies with England’s ex-footie skip. In fact, he should have done so before allowing his film company to make this movie, because Becks in the Crocodile Rockers body would have kicked the idea into the back of the net and scored a goal for common sense.