Next Goal Wins

Based on the documentary of the same name, Next Goal Wins starts with a notice that it's "inspired by true events." Director (and co-writer) Taika Waititi appears on screen to tell us that we're going to get "a tale of whoa," though that homonym works rather differently when delivered from behind a handlebar moustache above a t-shirt bearing a Christian painting that's only an airbrush and some prog rock away from belonging on the side of a van. Taika's sensibilities are all over this, written with Inbetweeners scribe Iain Morris, and while there's some inaccuracies that are forgiveable for reasons of story, I did find myself tracking down a copy of The Laws Of The Game because there have been changes to penalties in the intervening years. I personally think there was also an offside, but we are denied anyone sitting down with a cruet set or American Samoan equivalent to explain it.

Disrespect to the beautiful game aside, there's a lazy set of 'jokes' predicated upon fatness which is somewhat recurrent in Waititi's work. There's more delicate treatment of gender issues around the involvement of star-player Jaiyah (Kaimana), one of the island's fa'afafine. She's still deadnamed, with hostile intent, and in a long litany of Hollywood pep-talks there's none that would seem a sure cure for dysphoria. Michael Fassbender's comic chops aren't stretched by playing Thomas Rongen. The oddly flattened affect of The Killer is replaced by undiluted cliché movie alcoholism. That is, one assumes, an attempt to make obvious the various things the real Rongen was wrestling with, but making a reference to "white saviour[s]" in an early scene doesn't really excuse making a key feature of the film the parallel redemptions of a team and its leader.

There are references to other works throughout: The Matrix, Taken, The Karate Kid, Knight Rider, The Lion King. Any Given Sunday is explicitly referenced, even shown on screen. Even the Predator is eventually seen. That's far from all of them, that's just the ones I bothered to jot down. There are references to 9 To 5 as well, but we could get metatextual and refer to the real thing that inspired the film instead. As occasionally enjoyable as Next Goal Wins is, I found myself wanting to watch the documentary or indeed much anything else instead.

There's a good ensemble cast. Oscar Kightley as American Samoa's Football Association's President (among other jobs) is a standout, as is Uli Latukefu whose resemblance to Dwayne Johnson isn't just physical. His comedy timing has seen him play one of the young Rocks in the eponymous TV show, a sort of The Wonder Years with wrasslin', but also got him a role in Black Adam as 'The Champion'. Having folk like Will Arnett, Elisabeth Moss and Rhys Darby appear is fair enough. There's even a small role for Luke Hemsworth. Other background details include someone with an unremarked balisong injury but there's also significant product placement for Lotto and Adidas. Lotto were the historical kit provider for American Samoa. Now they are the kit sponsor for the very different Samoa. The film explains the distinction, and it's one of the funnier moments. Other observed brands include Subbuteo, though I doubt a box that was as well-travelled would be as pristine. There's another tabletop version with figurines that I couldn't immediately place. It might be a version of Striker or Go Goal! Ole! Tournament but there are literally hundreds of them and I can ill afford another boardgame obsession.

In finding a bit more joy in trying to track down the real version of something seen on screen I realised I'd happened upon the issue with Next Goal Wins. It's pleasant enough, has all the usual sports movie things with montages and a bit of 'what happened next' with the real individuals in the credits, and since it opens with archive footage that's fair enough, but it doesn't add much in the telling and the telling isn't that good. Thor: Love And Thunder felt like it was trying to be two things at once, but Next Goal Wins doesn't get half as far. Repeatedly re-stating minimal expectations, "one goal" is fair enough when the aim is to recover from losing 31-0, but I don't think it's unfair to expect better from Waititi. While many of his usual elements are here this doesn't so much feel self-indulgent as by the numbers. I'm a football fan, among many other things, and I've stood in the dark of Scottish winters and watched my team concede for every degree below zero. I've watched relegation shootouts, six goal thrillers, and any number of scoreless draws. It's those last that I was most minded of with Next Goal Wins. It's got a point, but it's almost a consolation. It could have been better, and it could have been worse. It was time spent to stand still. At least at the fitba I can have a pie.