Saw V

Back in 2003, 25-year-old director James Wan debuted his 10-minute short film Saw, winning enough acclaim and attention to produce and direct a feature film based on the concept of self mutilation for survival.

The 2004 Saw was, in my old opinion, brilliant; a movie which cost only $1.2 million dollars to make and earned back $103 million worldwide, before the million different DVD releases. Now I don't think so highly of it since the endless sequels have tarnished its reputation. Saw II was boring as hell and featured moronic characters who deserved to die. Saw III, which I believed was pushing its luck, wasn't any better. And now, two years later, and with Jigsaw himself long, long dead we have the fifth (or should that be Vth), which takes 'pushing its luck' to a whole new level.

Despite being stone cold dead, Jigsaw's work is being carried on by a mental cop who could actually bore people to death instead by being such a crap character. The guy has one facial expression. Five people are trapped in a yadda yadda yadda... blood, dismemberment, CGI gore effects, blah, blah, blah. If I were in that giant trap I would have gotten free without a scratch since there are several big flaws.

These movies have become a parody of themselves. Everything that we've seen in the previous four movies is all here. The icky atmosphere, the stock cop characters, the dull victims and the unshocking shock twist as the Saw theme tune builds up to a big finish.

The plot tries to explain most of the questions we've been asking since the beginning, but still fails to make a whole load of sense. Just how the hell can dying Jigsaw, barely able to even get out of bed, manage to find the time to stalk his prey, set up (and pay for) all his traps without ever being caught? Saw V tries to tell us he has been in league with our mental cop from the beginning but he is already an established killer when the first meet each other, so that ain't gonna work out.

Never one to turn their back on a cash cow, Lionsgate have cranked out one Saw film for every Halloween since 2004. Saw VI is already planned for next year. They will be milking this ugly goat until doomsday. I fully expect to see Saw LIII in 2056 when I am 76 years old. Jigsaw will still be in it somehow, and it will also feature some convoluted method of tying in 52 previous sequels into one giant, idiotic plot.

Don't let the tagline fool you or let you get your hopes up either. "You Won't Believe How It Ends." I DO believe that it will never end.

Now, gimme some Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach.