The Last House On The Left

This is a remake of the 1972 film that was banned under the 1984 Video Recordings Act, one of the original 'video nasties'. This version makes a number of significant changes, largely the removal of a comedy subplot involving some incompentent policemen, but also a wholesale reduction in the nature of the violence depicted, with some notable exceptions.

Those exceptions are still enough to leave a bad taste in the mouth. It's more a feature of videogames, but it applies here: 'mature' is usually code for 'juvenile, with swearing'. The Last House On The Left is clumsy, even oafish; upsetting not because it is scary but because it hopes to be; the horror perceived is not at the actions of those on screen, but at the motivations of those who produced it, of those who might enjoy what's going on on screen.

Saw, Hostel, and their ilk might have inured their audiences to film violence, but there is still scope for horror in it; Funny Games and Audition each have the capacity to shock. Here, there isn't even the saving grace of exploitation - we don't have the same firm sense of 'A' and 'B' pictures - even in cinema terms we've got mainstream cineplexes and arthouses, and little to nothing else. The Last House On The Left probably belongs on a drive-in screen, itself effectively an artifact of a dead age.

The original was a shocker, eventually passed by the BBFC in 2008 with all previous cuts waived. Even 'uncut', it's a hair over 81 minutes. Its remake is almost half an hour longer, despite the removal of a comedy subplot, despite much of the violence being toned down. This is the debut screenplay for Adam Alleca; his writing partner (and Wes Craven collaborator) Carl Ellsworth wrote 2005's Red Eye and was partially responsible for the Rear Window 're-imagining' Disturbia. Here too, the core of a film has been taken, diluted, even squandered, leaving a nasty taste. This is a 'lite' version of a film that was itself an acquired taste.

Sara Paxton is Mari Collingwood, the unfortunate victim of a vicious gang. She's probably best known as Aquamarine, and she's as comfortable in the water as she was as a mermaid. Her friend Paige (Martha MacIsaac) works near the Collingwood's lakeside cabin, and it's their visit to a motel cabin to score some weed that seals their fate. It's the usual slasher film morality - no drug use goes unpunished.

Enter Krug, played by Garret Dillahunt. He's most recently been in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, but featured in Brad Pitt's cowboy meditation The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford. He's a mean-spirited villain, rescued from the police in the bloody opening sequence by the rest of his gang; brother Francis, (Aaron Pau), girlfriend Sadie (Riki Lindholme, who is in comedy duo Garfunkel & Oates), and his somewhat wayward son Justin. Spencer Treat Clark, who plays Justin, has a history in this sort of role - he was the son in Unbreakable and in Gladiator. Here his character's father is less praiseworthy, intent on punishing Justin for bringing Paige and Mari into a position where they can threaten his getaway.

Monica Potter and the oddly recognisable Tony Goldwyn are Mari's parents. Their revenges on those who have injured their daughter are bloody, but don't quite convince. Obviously they are distressed, but one would think an education administrator of some type and a doctor might be able to find some way to incapacitate four people until help could be summoned. In fairness, they do attempt to escape, but the search for boat keys was never going to be as interesting as trying to kill people, no matter how bad the writing.

This setup, that adolescents screw up a bit, are horrifically attacked as a result, drags on and on. Then there's an uncomfortable middle section, the gang in the Collingwood house, the Collingwoods' not knowing their crime. Of course there's care taken to eliminate mobile telephones, a scene almost as compulsory in modern horror as cleavage or a discomfiting closeup on a young woman in the throes of terror. Then there is the moment of realisation, and the heart of the film emerges.

Craven's original has been linked to the horrors of Vietnam, and perhaps there was a chance to tie this to conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, but it was missed. Then there's the business of the original being a remake of Bergman's The Virgin Spring, itself based on the Swedish ballad "Tores dotter i Wange". That makes this film a fourth generation photocopy, distorted artifacts obscuring whatever was originally there.

This is no meditation on the nature of revenge, nor on the role of passion in justice. Nor is it a study in grief, or anger, or anything else. It doesn't do anything new or clever, and what it does do isn't that entertaining. Drag Me To Hell might be objectionable, but it's scary as all get out. The Last House On The Left is just not very good.

Then there's the ending. The original had the bloodied Collingwoods being confronted by the police but here, suffice to say, the forces of legal authority are not well represented. The coda also serves to undermine what sense the film had managed to preserve. All in all it's a textbook needless remake; it manages to eliminate the saving graces of the original, pad the run-time while removing large elements of its predecessor, and to add fresh annoyances and offenses of its own.

That extends to the soundtrack, which is mostly generic horror score. The original had David Hess' band providing often contrasting music. The remake does feature Death In Vegas over the credits, but Dirge serves more to illustrate the waste of time than any funereal horror produced by the film; take any turning you can to avoid The Last House On The Left.