The Lease

What on earth is this? Seriously! What in the eternal majesty of God's creation is THIS??? Jeezuz!

If you ask any casual moviegoer, or even someone who is relatively clued up on film, what adjectives spring to mind when they think of foreign art movies, you can bet your bottom dollar the answer would be pretentious, boring as hell, pointless, worthless, time wasting and self-important.

The Lease is one of those movies.

To call it the worst film ever is inappropriate. Police Academy 56 can be the worst film ever. But not this. The Lease, quite frankly, doesn't deserve to exist. It has no business wasting 78 minutes of your time. Even if you are one of those people who assume all Hollywood is crap and all art is good, you'll still flee the cinema, screaming, and head straight for the nearest Vin Diesel fix. It's so pathetic. And I appreciate art movies. Like I've said before, movies are either good or bad no matter what their origin. And this is bad, bad, bad.

Some woman - her name isn't important, supposedly - moves into an apartment while her house is being done up. She's miserable, because she's twice divorced and hates her life. This is where any coherence begins and ends, because what fills the remaining time is a seemingly random sequence of events that add up to absolutely zilch. Not one second of this film has any point to it.

The subtitles don't even make sense and are filled with numerous grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. I've had an easier time making sense of Glaswegian. More than half the audience escaped this trash before it was even halfway over. I stayed until the end for the sole reason that movies like this often give us some nudity, or a sex scene, perhaps. Sad, I know. But my wish was not granted.

Now that my senses have been numbed and my self-respect disintegrated, as punishment for enduring The Lease to the bitter end, I will go and watch the latest Pauly Shore movie with a big smile on my face. God help me!