Vampires Suck

So many accurate puns could be made about the title of this film that it hardly seems worth bothering. Indeed, it hardly seems worth bothering to review it - if you've seen one Friedberg and Seltzer movie, you could be forgiven for concluding that you've seen them all. These are the guys behind Epic Movie, Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans. This time their target is the vampire genre - or, more specifically, the Twilight franchise.

Indeed, Vampires Suck sticks so closely to the Twilight story that in places it feels more like an adaptation than a spoof, something Stephenie Meyers' lawyers might want to look closely at. This does have the advantage of giving it a vaguely coherent story, elevating it above some of the aforementioned films, which were basically just strings of lame gags. It also has a competent lead actress (Jenn Proske) who plays her character straight, not smirking at her own jokes, and the supporting cast are less clumsy than previously. Anneliese van der Pol is pitch perfect as an archetypal bitchy would-be homecoming queen. Matt Lanter as the brooding pointy-toothed love interest bears a fair physical resemblance to Robert Pattinson, but when casting is done on the basis of appearance, it's clear acting skills aren't really valued, and even the stronger cast members have very little to work with.

What follows, then, is the predictable sequence of vampire and werewolf jokes, digs at celebrities (interestingly, the most vicious thing they can think of to say about Lady GaGa is that she's 'a freak', which one doubts she would mind), and attempts to shock with gore or (strangely hesitant) political incorrectness. Occasionally the humour hits the mark, but then, they are aiming at a very large target. Aside from one Jonas Brothers joke the film stays well clear of references to the many religious issues involved in the genre, apparently lacking the nerve for genuinely contentious satire. The result is a distinctly anaemic confection. Slapstick violence and softcore male nudity aside, it has nothing to offer. This time around, America's laziest directors have created a film which is not so much bad as bland, and it's hard to see why they bothered to bring it to the screen.