Search: Starring James Cromwell

The ingredients are perfect for an over-the-top frightfest, as monsters of the inhuman and human variety fight for control of the hospital, and the residents' souls.

The story has imaginative flashes that burst through the mists of fear.

A wispy romance as ripe as a Regency virgin and twice as fanciful.

A story of courage, conviction and physics in free fall

The writers, Michael (The Player) Tolkin and Bruce Joel (Ghost) Rubin are award winners. Why have they churned out a run-of-the-mildew script that makes Volcano read like a tight human interest item?

The casting is so unimaginative that you know who the dodgy characters are by checking the names on the billboard.

The film is as soft as butter. Sentimentality clogs the air ducts until it is difficult to breathe.

It's familiar stuff, but it's rarely been done with such polish and gusto.

So riddled with logic gaps, dumb character decisions and simple confusion about how we should view the entire conceit, that the actual genetic recreation of dinosaurs from 65 million years ago starts looking believable in comparison.

It's the coolness of K.I.T.T. (and the Hoff's MASSIVE hair) that made long-lasting impression on the world.

What is unexpected in this self-conscious pander to the cult of genre cinema is the violence. It lacks the dignity of constraint.

The lack of any subtlety numbs the audience.

A few contrived moments, such as the metaphorical stag the Queen spots on her estate, only marginally detract from what is otherwise a fascinating drama on previously uncharted cinematic territory.

Hicks's use of flashbacks is ingenious.

It is the superb acting and tightly plotted scripts that carry you through the mire of raw emotions - clutching your box of Kleenex like a floatation aid.

The slimy creature effects package (guts explosion) is becoming increasingly yukky.

Whooshing between buildings at high speed over and over again feels like an overdose of Ritalin. The three-way baddie climax is nauseating, unexciting and full of contrivances.

Six-year-olds will love it. Twelve-year-olds will scorn.

Surrogates develops into a glossy thriller that looks and acts just like the real thing.

Asinine and confusing.

In the end I found myself won over by the charm of this film's various creative idiosyncrasies and by the charisma of Brolin’s performance.