Search: Directed by Michael Bay

The film goes for broke. No safety net. No apologies. Believing in itself.

The film never seems to want to end.

Fast, furious and Calvin Klein-ad slick.

Not so much From Here To Eternity as From Here To This Time Next Week, which is a terrible waste.

There are so many distractions and superfluous plot points that the only way Bay can compensate is to turn every scene into an MTV blur.

High-octane nonsense for those who suffer from permanently arrested development.

The reality of enduring this 165-minute car-wreck is depressing in the extreme.

It is bigger and longer than the original – but certainly no better, and this time round lacking even a novelty factor.

The comedy is not funny, the action is exhausting, and by the time its 156 minutes are over, you too will have been transformed into a dead-eyed machine that has lost the power or will to care.