Still struggling to pick the perfect present? We've checked out the latest releases (and some old favourites) to help you box clever with DVDs this Christmas.
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Age: three
Brief: Has already mastered Nintendo Wii and the potty. Tomorrow the World.
Perfect pressie: Muppet Show – Series 2 (05/11/2007 RRP 34.99)
By the second season, Jim Henson's show really hit its stride as more and more stars were clamouring to be involved. The season starts with the usual roster of US talent and then Rudolf Nureyev appears with a sublime performance of Swine Lake and it is all gravy from here on including Elton John, Peter Sellers and John Cleese.
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Age: Two
Brief: Able to articulate a variety of words that mostly mean "no" and move at great speed through the domicile opening hitherto impervious cabinets and drawers.
Perfect pressie: Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends – Series 1 (01/31/2005, RRP £12.99)
Only in the world of children's entertainment could something so cheesy – an animated railway set – become so beloved. Bright colours, locomotive derring-do and all manner of life lessons, what more can you want. UK version is narrated by Ringo, but if you fancy trying something different the US Region 1 discs are narrated by George Carlin with a very camp Alec Baldwin voicing James…
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Age: Four
Brief: Can debate with aplomb and win and fails to see the benefit of a classical education.
Perfect pressie: Spirit: Stallion Of The Cimarron (02/02/2004, RRP £19.99)
This one came as something of a surprise, we didn't expect much from a Dreamworks 'traditionally animated' movie, particularly one that dragged out all the Native American clichés. But guaranteed to keep young equestrian types amused for hours through repeated viewings on and on without respite until you wish the DVD player would break down…
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Age: Five
Brief: Amateur entymologist and would find the wind-breaking antics of Le Petomaine to be a superior entertainment
Perfect pressie: The Iron Giant (14/03/2005, RRP £13.99)
Feeling misunderstood and alone? Get over it. Having a big metal buddy all to yourself helps. A terrific version of Ted Hughes peerless kids book The Iron Man. For slightly older viewers there is the unofficial remake, entitled Terminator 2 (28/7/2003, RRP 15.99 - available from Amazon for £12.01).
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Age: Seven
Brief: Has already loved and lost and is working on the second volume of his memoirs.
Perfect pressie: Spider-Man 2 (23/4/2007, RRP £12.99)
Without doubt the coolest thing on the web. Spider-man faces off against multi-armed Doctor Octopus, Alfred Molina in a knock out performance. No boring origins as per Part One, no convoluted morality angst as per Part Three.
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Age: 15, going on 20
Brief: Thinks George Clooney is an old man and refuses to watch anything that isn't environmentally friendly.
Perfect pressie: Hot Fuzz/Shaun Of The Dead box set (11/06/2007) RRP £30.99
Two of the UK's hottest comedy properties, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, get a dual outing as a pairing of unlikely coppers, in the hilarious, if fractionally overlong, police buddy movie pastiche and put the zom into rom-com in Shaun. Dead funny and with a surprisingly soft centre.
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Age: 45
Brief: Pining for lost youth that I never had in the first place and harbouring a deep nostalgia for past events that actually weren't that special at the time.
Perfect Pressie: Blade Runner: The Final Cut (3/12/2007, RRP £30.99)
True, there were those expecting Indiana Jones who were disappointed, but check out finally (finally!), the definitive, um, five versions of Ridley Scott's masterpiece. I plump for the 1982 International Edition with Ford's weary narration intact and a bunch more violence, but the newest variation with its tarted up effects should not be overlooked either. Every time you reheat the Christmas leftovers you can fire up another version of Blade Runner until you overdose on both.
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Age: CLASSIFIED
Brief: Tricky, tricky, tricky
Perfect pressie: I don't pretend to understand She, I would have plumped for the updated version of Hairspray (19/11/2007, RRP £19.99 - available from Amazon for £11.98) a quirky feel-good lightweight musical, but nooooo, She has decided she wants the Mikio Naruse Collection (26/11/2007, RRP £44.99) a trio of feminist tales - When A Woman Ascends The Stairs, Floating Clouds and Late Chrysanthemums - concerning the trials and tribulations of geishas, forbidden love and the whole gyoza.
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Age: 45 (and has been for the past 25 years)
Brief: Dutiful hausfrau, now liberated from a life time of penal servitude and now determined to be a Sanatogen-fuelled version of Paris Hilton.
Perfect pressie: The James Stewart In The Frame Collection (29/10/2007, RRP £24.99)
Features You Can't Take It With You, Mr Smith Goes To Washington, The Man From Laramie, Anatomy Of A Murder, Two Rode Together, Bell, Book And Candle Primarily because she, too, has something of the modern witch about her, something against her neighbour's wife and occasionally - after particularly heavy bouts of Daily Mail reading - gets the urge to assault politicians.
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Age: 78
Brief: Still inclined to stand up for the National Anthem and lament the loss of an empire that had gone even before his own childhood.
Perfect pressie: Zulu (05/11/2007 Two-Disc Special Edition, RRP £9.99)
A film in which a determined Harry Secombe armed with nothing but patriotic songs and a Martini-Henry rifle sees off the entire cast of Ipi Tombi. The fact that most of the characters portrayed in the film were based on actual people, should appeal to his inner patriot.
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Age: 35
Brief: The one for whom the song football crazy was intended (and who can tell you who scored Tottenham's winning goal against Sheffield Utd. in the 1901 FA Cup Final at Crystal Palace.*)
Perfect pressie: Ricky Tomlinson: Football My Arse (12/11/2007, RRP £19.99)
Suitably profane look at the sport of gentlemen with clips and commentary from Ricky and should amuse the most jaded footy enthusiast.
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Age: Don't ask
Brief: Frequented the Prince Charles, the cinema not the aspirant to the throne, has a large collection of dog-eared Playfair Eros magazines which he reads for the articles, under the bed.
Perfect pressie: Caligula
The life and death of Gaius Caligula, mad Roman emperor extraordinaire! Here I have to recommend the unrated US Director's cut version weighing in at 156 minutes of exploitation mayhem – they won't know what hit them. The regular UK edition runs 90 minutes and they might as well not have bothered.
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Age: 25
Brief: Not only slows down to look at road accidents but will often get out and attempt to gather sample entrails too. Perfect pressie: Hostel 2: Unseen Edition (22/10/2007, RRP £19.99)
The US torture porn cycle reaches it's apogee in this sensationalistic assault on the senses as a collection of young American lasses tour scary Europe. The demise of poor Heather Matarazzo has to rate as one of the most squeam-inducing sequences of any movie, ever. Finally even this is topped for the balls-out finale. You can fast-forward through the rest of the film, though.
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The Gremlins Collection (05/06/2000, RRP £20.99)
The cutest xmassy present of all mutates into an army of gleeful demons. Delirious trashing of the It's a Wonderful Life mentality of small town America. In a lull in the action, Phoebe Cates tells why she doesn't like Christmas in a tragi-comic soliloquy to bring the house down. Second dose of the mogwai-cum-monsters isn't quite as good, but still well worth a watch.
Gratuitous box sets
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Peerless narration by David Attenborough, stupendous wild life footage – what more could you want? Actually, I do miss David himself wallowing waist deep in bat guano (See Life On Earth) but this is made up for with the pristine photography herein. Required viewing for the whole family, although things do get eaten and the odd piece of procreation may cause embarrassment.
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Jeremy Isaacs' 1974 masterpiece still stands as the greatest documentary of any kind. More than 16 hours of facts, interviews and footage and all required viewing. Would be interesting, though, to see the Michael Moore version… "Excuse me, Mr. Hitler, I'm Michael Moore and I'm making a documentary on…Mr. Hitler, please, do you have any comment on…Mr. Hitler? Mr. Hitler?" "Bang!"
*It's a trick question, the match was a draw, but Spurs won the replay.
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